


The Doctor, the Wager and the Tuning Fork

by savvyliterate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 02:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/pseuds/savvyliterate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Turnabout is fair play. I vow, Raggedy Man, to catch you and my daughter being inappropriate in a public place. And I will take video of it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doctor, the Wager and the Tuning Fork

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the end of "Asylum of the Daleks" for the Ponds. This screamed for happy, fluffy fic.

"Do you realize how close we were to being killed?" the Doctor grumbled as a not-quite chasitzed Amy and Rory followed him onto the TARDIS.

"We weren't," Amy pointed out.

"Well, it wouldn't have been so close if the two of you weren't out there snogging for the entire universe to see." He wasn't even sure what had led to it this time, but really. There was a time and place for these things. Not in a museum, not in the middle of a bloody exploding Dalek planet, not in the console room, not just … it was a private thing, snogging the way they were doing.

"It's not like we knew that kissing was banned on that planet," Amy protested. Rory found the walls of particular interest.

"Kissing is banned on approximately 17 planets in five solar systems …" He consulted a monitor. "Make that 18. Just passed on Flarn."

Amy scowled. "Look at who's talking anyhow! I've seen you give quite my daughter a good snog."

"That was on top of a pyramid in an alternate timeline during our wedding, which fixed time mind you. It doesn't count." The Doctor caught sight of the scowl Rory shot at him. "The wedding counts! It doesn't count as … what you do." He went back to the process of getting them the hell off that planet.

"Fine." Amy threw herself onto the captain's chair, eyes glittering with challenge. "Then, we're going to catch you."

"Sorry?"

"You and River. We're going to catch you in a public snog."

"Amy, I don't think we should …"

"Rory!" Amy hissed, then turned back to the Doctor. "Turnabout is fair play. I vow, Raggedy Man, to catch you and my daughter being inappropriate in a public place. And I will take video of it."

The Doctor scoffed. "River and I are the model of circumspect." He gestured wildly. "The pinnacle of discretion."

Amy and Rory burst out laughing.

"What?"

"You do realize who we're talking about, right?" Amy leaned back and smirked. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

\-----

No one bothered to inform River of Amy's little game.

"Hello, sweetie," she purred as they encountered her in the middle of an Gytrashian jungle, clad head to foot in safari gear and wielding a rather large, wicked-looking sword. 

"Hello, dear," the Doctor said cheerfully and instinctively leaned in toward her … then nervously glanced over his shoulder, coughed, and backed away.

River gave him a considering look. "Have we done Area 52?"

"Yes, wife, we have," he said, tapping her nose then quickly turned away. He adjusted his jacket and quickly put some distance between himself and River. It'd been a few weeks he'd seen her from his perspective and, well … not while her parents were around. "Right, Ponds, we have an expert guide at getting us out of this jungle!"

"I'll say we have," Amy said with a grin.

Rory sidled up to River. "I am so, so sorry for those two," he murmured.

"Is something going on that I should know about?" River asked.

"Yes. Yes, there is. But, if I tell you, I fear what your mother will do to me."

"Hmm …" River considered the Doctor and Amy as they stood a few feet away bickering. "They've made another silly wager, haven't they? Judging from the way they're gesticulating, I'd wager it has something to do with public snogging."

"Yes, that's exactly …" Rory sighed. "This isn't the first time, then?"

"Not hardly."

Rory watched as a truly evil smile crossed his daughter's face and promptly went pale. "Oh. Oh, River. Don't do it. Just leave them alone, they'll get over it, and we'll all be fine."

"But, what's the fun in that?" River winked at Rory and casually sashayed over to the Doctor.

Rory rolled his eyes skyward. "Just like her mother," he muttered. "Why do I always forget it that?" 

"Now, look, here's River," the Doctor told Amy in a fervent effort to distract her. "And look at her sword. Which means something exciting is about to happen, am I not right, dear?"

"I should say so." River neatly inserted herself between the Doctor and Amy and started to back him up against a tree. 

"River? River, what are you doing? There is a time and a place for … River! Your parents are watching!"

"And when does that mean anything, my love?"

Amy scowled at Rory, then punched his arm. "You told her!"

"She figured it out on her own!" Rory rubbed his arm. "Besides, I think she's on your side of this."

Amy smirked as the Doctor literally scaled the tree behind him to get away from his wife. "You know, I think you're right."

\------

The entire universe was against him. The Doctor was absolutely positive of this.

First, he'd gotten stuck in the tree. That was enough to have River and Amy laughing at him for a good 10 minutes. The high-five they exchanged really was inappropriate. Now Rory. There was a true hero right there. At least he had the absolute grace to give the Doctor a somewhat pitying look as the women chortled. Giggled. Made teasing remarks. 

Then the branch gave way.

You'd think, the Doctor groused, that alone would earn a man some sympathy. But no. OK, so it didn't help that he'd landed on a hive and released a swarm of native bees. Oh, and it happened to be mating season. It'd been far more intriguing had the Doctor not realized -- very fast -- that the oh-so-cute baby bees considered humanoid blood a very nummy snack. He wasn't human, but try telling the bees that. Nummy. He'd have to use that word again.

Really, it was by his own grace and skill -- he would deny Amy's claim he'd gotten tangled up in his shoelaces -- that he'd managed to get out of the tree. Or fall face first. Po-tae-to, po-tah-to, what really mattered is that they all needed to get back to the TARDIS … which was being carried off by a religious cult to be used as a sacrificial altar for soap. No, the Doctor really wasn't going to question that one. Except, by the time they managed to get the bees stuck in a log and back to the TARDIS, the Doctor noticed it was really clean.

Then, if his day couldn't possibly get worse, the bees broke free from the log. Then consumed the soap. Then mutated and started destroying the planet using giant stingers to drill holes in the ground. It'd not be of any consequence except the bees stood between them and the TARDIS. Oh, Amy and Rory had gotten back safe enough and were standing in the doorway looking rather alarmed. The Doctor glanced across the two trenches -- one separating him from River and the other from the TARDIS.

"Do you have a tuning fork, honey?" River yelled, leaping backwards as the ground buckled and split beneath her.

"Yes, yes, I got it at that little shop we stopped in on Ashfora and …"

"Spoilers!"

"Really, River, at a time like this?" The Doctor used the end of the sonic to rap a bee in the nose.

"It is when I haven't done that yet!" River pulled an object out of her pocket. "Use the sonic on your tuning fork!"

The Doctor saw she carried a matching one and grinned. Oh, it was brilliant. Amplify the sound waves, use the tuning forks to bounce them between each other, causing temporary deafness in the bees -- long enough for them to get back in the TARDIS. Oh, how he loved his bad, bad girl.

He used the sonic on his fork, and the sound waves amplified. He could see the fork shake violently in River's hand and Amy and Rory clasping their hands over their ears next to the TARDIS. The bees let out a mighty shriek and began spinning in circles. Just barely eluding one of the deadly stingers, the Doctor ducked around a bee and leaped across the chasm just as River leaped over hers. They grabbed hands and ran to the door as Amy and Rory waited.

"That was brilliant!" he yelled, adrenaline pumping through him. Without thinking, because really he was glad she was safe, he leaned in and kissed her.

It was all her fault, he'd argue later, but he didn't really mind when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and did that _thing_ with her tongue that made his toes curl. The tuning fork still vibrated in her hand, and his were buried in her hair. It was just a small kiss to celebrate, wouldn't last long at … he yelped as Amy jerked him into the TARDIS.

"Killer bees!" she managed. "Killer bees attacking us all, and you're standing there snogging River for two minutes and 37 seconds!"

"I was not!" The Doctor stomped over to the console as River closed the door behind her, a bit of a smile tugging at her lips. "Prove it, Amelia Pond!"

Amy turned her smartphone toward him, still on the video-recording app. "Want to watch it now or on YouTube?"

"That will never see the light of day, Pond!"

1.24 million hits on YouTube proved him wrong.


End file.
